Since I have been reflecting on the social conditions on Kerala, probably this might be something interesting.
A year or so before, around twenty of our friends were having some heated arguments sitting on the wall that had been the rendezvous for several years in the evenings in Tirur. Some one came up with the topic of sexual harassment and they were discussing sexual abuse by women in their family!
An informal survey amongst those present revealed that 80% of us were sexually abused between the ages of 8 and 12 by aunts or cousins(girls). For me the surprise was not the result of the survey, but the fact that none of them were surprised!
I really wonder how such a survey would come up if it is done on all Kerala basis?!
If some one is wondering why I am mentioning this in this blog, this is my answer to you. We are talking about "creating better places for people to live and for people to visit" as part of Responsible Tourism initiatives all around the world. If we can't understand the social dynamics of the places we operate, probably we wont be able to give the insights into the place and lives of people.
Tirur © GP 2007
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13 comments:
you really have weird friends!
Weird" because my friends acknowledge that they were abused sexually by women in their family? or for some other reason? Whoever it is, who posted the comment, let me tell you, I am talking about regular people whom you would see in a day to day life. I am shocked that you dont see that those women who sexually abuse young boys are not the "weirdos" for you!
isn't the said percentage a bit high for any randomly selected group? and what constitutes sexual abuse to these boys- have you wondered it could be a case of 'me too' as so frequently happens during a boys-only bash. these are strong allegations to be laid at a society's ?doorstep.
Hi Anonymous,
The "survey" I mentioned was an outcome of a regular get together where some of us took the initiative to discuss the sexual abuse while we were kids.
Rather than going away from the topic like many other Malayali with a "pseudo morality", we decided to address it.What I mentioned was a discussion that happened a year and half ago.
As you had doubted, the discussions were not just in a "boys-only-bash" or a drunken get together of teenaged boys to claim "me too". All of us who were in that discussion I mentioned are now in our early or mid thirties, who had the "courage" to acknowledge something that had happened in our lives.
It is quite unfortunate that you are not even willing to address the issue, and hide behind the veil of pseudo morality!!
As you had mentioned, this is indeed a VERY SERIOUS ALLEGATION laid at the doorsteps of a "society". Why else do you think we are discussing it here? It is serious of course and I personally know what it means to go through this as I was also sexually abused when I was a child. I still remember it and still see the woman in my day to day life when I go to Kerala!
And on your question on "What constitutes sexual abuse for these boys?" It's disgusting that you could even ask such a question!!? Any contact or interaction between a child and an adult when the child is being used for sexual stimulation of the perpetrator or another person when the perpetrator or another person is in a position of power or control over the victim is considered as a sexual abuse in any civilised society!! Any time that a child is engaged in a sexual situation with an older person, it is an abuse for Gods sake!. It could be physical contact, such as fondling or rape, or making a child look at an adult's genitals."
And probably your question is whether the children I mentioned in the blog were enjoying it or not!
G, Your anonymous friend seems to be lost between his (her) sense of morality as u have pointed out. I dont know how much courage u might have conjured up to say wat u have said, esply when u r in the public domain..kudos!a big hug to u!!!!
First, Elizabeth I am not lost. Morality/pseudo-morality what exactly are the definitions we should follow?
GP,I am not making assumptions here about your friends. Even you cannot know everything.(Me not at ALL).Good! now I know that you know the definition very well.
Child abuse statistics vary in various countries becouse it is so underreported in almost all societies. but still your 0/0 is on the higher side.
I didn't think you were a precocious teenager in the T&T industry.And now that you are feeling courageous and somewhere in Kerala you should go confront your perpetrator.That is the final step in catharsis.
You know her and you are unveiled........
Anonymous, I didnt quite understand what u mean the teenager comment and t&t industry, anyways, I can see that u are surprised by the large number of men saying that they were abused by women when they were kids.As i mentioned earlier, this is the reason why I decided to write about this. Even after u posted your comments, we had a discussion in three different places yesterday and heard stories that are equally disturbing and percentage of those those said "Yes" to the question was uncomfortably high. Only comfort was that these people are open enough to answer.
People are more open; often uncomforably so,regarding a lot of issues and this willingness to discuss may help bring down the incidence of problems like child abuse.But even in a personal blog you should not present it like a generalisation of any society.There are a good many solid,normal unabusive households in india.
So, so many 'cats out of the bags'.Are they only going to sit there and mew?
A lot of perpetrators are repeat offenders. Are we doing anything to keep our young safe from those unveiled for us.is it enough to say yes me too!
recognising &/or admitting is the first step ,but then what?
I am sure you have read a lot about the numbers involved in such issues,but tough social & individual corrective action or even offensive where need be ,is long overdue.
P.S
'All of us who were in that discussion I mentioned are now in our early or mid thirties'--(so)--'a precocious teenager in the T&T industry'--means I know most of the dudes are old enough!!!!
hehe, Who is this Mr anonymous :)? Sounds like an insecured nationalistic right wing who is all set to protect the culture of india. ;) get a life Mr.
GP,do u know this guy? i didnt see the comments on sexual abuse as an attack on indian house hold or anything of that sort. nor do i see it as a generalistaion of a society. what u guys have discussed is something that we hear in our metro as well. not only something to do with keralans.
What makes you think that Anonymous is a Mr and not Mrs or Miss :)?
women do abuse, read it here.
http://www.menweb.org/scottwom.htm
who said women cannot be perpetrators.it is just about %.
-Anonymous
Does it matter if I am male or female? why think about genders think about 'humans'as different from say the millipede(even that has rights!)
I think the page wasnt loaded properly before I clicked the send button..So pasting again:
Though a resident of the UK, I have been in India for the last four years on and off. Since I work with a local NGO in Pune, I have been constantly coming across articles of Sexual abuse and one of my interns pointed out to the discussions going on here. And today I have a newspaper report that might be interesting for you all. A news report by Vineeta Pandey in DNA (Daily News Analysis) of the 10th April 2007 says, "Half India's kids are abused" I dont know much about the survey methods and all, but when the Government itself comes out with a report that says 53 percent of the countr's children are sexually assualted, it is a matter of concern. But its also highly commendable that Government of India took the initaitve to come out with this report. QUite laudable. BTW, considering some of the commnets posted, this could also be interesting fr your readers, the report says" Contrary to the belief that boys are safer, the survey established that out of the 69 percent of abused children, 54.68 percent were boys"!!
So the concerns I see in the above comments about the "percentages" GP mentions is unfortunately vindicated. It could still be a coincidence, but I doubt.Thanks for bringing up the issue. Your blog is fascinating to read. Very impressed by your work.Keep the good work going on...Cheers
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